


A Butt Walks Into A Bar

by tentacleproctologist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Other, Proportionstuck, Rose being a giant tease, thats it, this isnt a deep story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28162560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentacleproctologist/pseuds/tentacleproctologist
Summary: Rose Lalonde has a giant ass and likes flaunting it to watch random people sweat. Watch a poor bouncer get teased and taunted by the bigger gal. Its not poetry but hey, its a reupload.





	A Butt Walks Into A Bar

The High End wasn’t the classiest bar in town. Its specials proudly had names like Blowjob, sex on the beach, the kind that were more sugar then alcohol and had the kind of names that made college students snicker.  
It was the kind of nightclub guys went to get laid, and girls went to get laid by the kind of desperate people who go to nightclubs. It was a sad kinda place.  
Was.  
James Orion was the bouncer. Not a bouncer, THE bouncer, the kind of man who left a promising career in wrestling for the real life thrills of actually throwing people to the floor. A bald cue dome glistened in the neon lights, arms bedecked in inked animals who are mostly known for eating punks who tried to get in underaged. The stocky biker frame that toed the thin line between muscular and fat. He’s seen shit.  
Then she walked up… no not walk, James corrected himself, strutted, the purposeful stride of a panther approaching a very small and cornered mouse. Which was weird given that she was two heads shorter then her.  
Then the woman knocked over a guy 2 feet away from her and James looked down.  
The woman had a big butt and James immediately wanted to slap herself for understatement. The girl was a petite, short, curvy, and had a big butt. Her blonde hair sharply framed lilac covered eyes that twinkled with the smug amusement of someone who caught you staring at her big butt. She had a big butt and she had a big butt. James realized he was staring and pulled his eyes upwards, briefly reaching up to a rack that would have been drooled at on a smaller butt woman but merely she had a big butt.  
She had a big- a soft cough woke James up from his reverie, the woman now directly in front of him and holding a card under his nose. The smirk on the id identical to the smirk on the woman’s actual face. The name proclaiming the butt- person he meant person, to be one Rose Lalonde.  
“You know, most woman wouldn’t appreciate the commentary.” The woman chuckled, James maintained a highly practiced stone face as if he wasn’t caught staring. “Now if you can be a dear and let me in, and please help that gentlemen up, I keep knocking into people. Rose patted her heavily padded rear, James doing her best not to notice how diminutive her hands looked while doing it, or how it sunk into her abundant flesh.  
To say Rose’s ass was big was condescending to actual big things, like beach balls or the hips of certain rappers. Rose walked behind a booty better fit flattening hotheaded archeologists. It was the kind of rear that would have sent Sir Mixalot to his knees and made him rediscover religion. A religion centered around blonde saints and their canonized childbearers.

The woman walked past the bouncer, picking her card back up from the gawking guard as he had to step back to get out of her way, before the dainty lady stopped in the middle of the door frame.  
"Oh dear, it appears your door is a bit too small for me. Do you mind giving me a bit of a push.”  
James thanked the lucky fates for this day, walking towards the blocked woman. Sure enough a few inches of doughy ass flesh managed to sneak its way indoor before the frame refused to fit the extra feet in. The poor girl had two feet inside the club and two feet of bulbous behind sticking outside it.  
“Um… ma'am its against policy to touch-” James begin, while his hands ached with longing, this was a good job and a bouncer with a reputation for touching woman was bad for business.  
“Oh honey don’t be so nervous, I’m hardly in a position to be choosy, just give me a solid shove and we’ll be on each others way. I’ll be ever so grateful, and I’m a girl who repays her debts.”  
James figured he’d risk it, after all she was technically blocking the exit and a fire hazard. Really he was saving lives touching that ass.  
James crouched to get level with the dimunitive woman, the massive tanned orbs tightly constrained by a denim skirt that the rear spilt out of. James tenatively touched the rear, feeling the warmth of her flesh through the practically painted on denim and shoved.  
Rose moaned as James hands were all but swallowed by the ass’s velvet acres, Rose slowly sliding through the door as James arms bulged from the exertion.  
“Harder, I’m almost all the way in, go deeper.” Rose cried, a blush clear on her face as she stared at the burly man trying to shove his way past her bountiful booty.  
God damn was everything this woman said innuendic. James heaved as he redoubled her efforts, Rose screaming as the frame finally gave up, the woman popping out the other side and landing on the floor, her rear wobbling in joy at her sudden freedom.  
“So… so forceful. I’ve never had a man be so… vigerous.” Rose winked at the bouncer, the former wrestler trying to adjust a raging boner so it wasn’t quite so obvious in his leather pants.  
The woman gave a wink and lifted the skirt, briefly flashing the bouncer. “Now we are even aren’t we?” Rose winked as she made her way into the club proper.  
James blinked, the picture of Rose’s ass firmly burnt into his retinas, including a phone number. James coughed and turned back to the waiting customers, who seemed just as shell shocked from the spectacle as he was.  
James decided to attend church tomorrow, he don’t know exactly what the hell happened just now but he was sure he had to thank SOMEONE.


End file.
